It's been a while....

Wow, I never write in this thing anymore. I am sure that no one reads it but it can still serve as an outlet of some sort I am sure. So many things have happened. I won't even attempt to update you on all of them. Rather I want to focus on what I am feeling right now

I am lost. It's funny how we think we find ourselves and are doing things that help us grow and learn more about ourselves but in essence we are just loosing ourselves even further. I don't even know how to accurately represent what I think and feel at this point, and that is a huge problem.

What do you do when you thought you could rely on someone and rely on the situation you are in and then you find out it's not as secure as you thought? I am sure any good buddhist would embrace the principle of impermanence, which is all well and good as an idea. But does that mean I shouldn't work to have a lasting relationship? Should I just say it is not going to last and give up on making it work? If that is the case, then really there is no point in having relationships in the first place. While I am sure the main point is to learn what you can and embrace life and teach others in the process but that seems so stiff and rigid. I don't believe that human love between two people can be considered and classified or justified in terms of this concept.

How do you spend your time in a relationship if you know there is no common goal? Is love enough even when you know that the love you share has a limit and an expiration date? How does love expire?

I guess these are all just questions that I don't have answers to and can't seem to find the answers to. There are so many parts of me that just want to give up on love and relationships but that's far to easy for my emotional, sentimental nature. I am sure it only gets more complicated from here but some sense would be good. Some consistency in my life is not too much to ask for. I just want to find someone that is willing to stick around and stick it out. I know i have my faults and my wrongs but why do i attract people that care more about logistics and practicality than they do about love? When did love start being a thing of practicality and acceptions.

I live by and continue to live by this quote,"Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon."

So Hey. Could we do that again? I know we haven't met, but I don't want to be an ant. You know? I mean, it's like we go through life with our antennas bouncing off one another, continuously on ant autopilot, with nothing really human required of us. Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there. All action basically for survival. All communication simply to keep this ant colony buzzing along in an efficient, polite manner. "Here's your change." "Paper or plastic?' "Credit or debit?" "You want ketchup with that?" I don't want a straw. I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you to see me. I don't want to give that up. I don't want to be ant, you know?

New Video Blog

So here's my latest video. I haven't had much to post about, thus my blogging absence.

This time I decided to blog from my friend Matts room.

Enjoy the Video.

Art

Hey Everyone,

I felt like brining you something a little different today. I had an excellent day, in terms of design and drawing.

I am currently working on a project that would play with proportion and scale. Since some of my earlier work received criticism for not being inspired enough, or lacking passion; I choose the content of war.

It took me a few days to make up my mind about what medium I would use and to develop the concept. I am pleased with how the studies have turned out.



This is a picture of a machine gun. I love the process of ink transfer and watercolor. It adds some rough edges and haziness to a picture. As if the subject matter wasn't strong enough by it self, I think this takes it to another level.

That is just a teaser. I have to finish the project over the next few days. When everything is finished I will post the final product.

In order to play on proportion, I am going to add two other images of "destructive weapons" and use sheet music for the song, "Battle Hymn of the Republic." I feel this not only plays a nice psychological game but give a nice figure/ground relationship.

Art and writing are controlling my life, and my fingers are red and green. Green from painting all afternoon and red from writing all evening. The amount of self expression may just lead to overload. We'll see.

Peace, until next time.

1 day

So, it has been a day, and I am just now getting around to posting another blog.

It feels so odd to have something that I think about like I do this blog. Perhaps it's another crazy addiction that will go away in a few weeks but I hope to continue despite the traffic.

I don't have much excitement to post about from the past few days. I did, however, register for my classes next semester. All and all, I am pleased. I will have a really busy Monday and Wednesday but Tuesdays and Fridays will be nice. I am taking yoga or possibly pilaties. Forgive me for that spelling. Anyway, I am happy.

Yesterday was an off day. For some reason my planets weren't alligned or my hormones were running a muck but I was at odds with everything. I know that I can be sensative at times and I find it hard to real my emotions back in. I had a difficult critique in my design class and it was all down hill from there. Drawing and graphic design have never been my strong suit, but I have given it a vallient attemt none the less. Some of my ideas were copied by another classmate and that really set me off as she recieved the same "sophisticated artist" label that I got from my professor. I couldn't decide if I was upset becuase she "borrowed" some ideas from me or my professor was just particullarly annoying that day. I think it was a combination of both. I proceeded to spew vemon about her for an hour. I know that I took it too far and allowed it to bother me too much but it seems to have affected my entire day. I am definately thankful for those have choose to deal with my ridiculousness.

Other than random day to day drama, life is still good. I am finding joy in the randomness that is my day and my mind for that matter. Hopefully it will continue and my inspiration will continue to flow.

Life is good and peace to all!

First Video Blog

I thought I would give video blogging a try and I have to say, it's more difficult than it seems.

This is my first video blog, so please be as forgiving as possible.

Finally, I think I used ancestry out of context. I should have said posterity. For the next blog, I will try to keep the words a little smaller so I don't make myself look any worse.

Enjoy the video.

Concerts, Mimes and Family

Okay, so the title is in not particular order. I went to a concert this Friday in Kansas City. It was a good experience. The road trip has to be the most fun part of the whole journey. The group consisted of myself and three friends. These are three people that I definately trust and feel so comfortable with. While we were in Kansas City, we were able to visit my sister. This was a bitter sweet visit. She's going to have a baby, which is exciting. It is just odd to she her in her own apartment and starting her own family. I remember being young with her and I remember her being so crazy. But I am glad to see that she has gotten her life together. After visiting with my sister, the group joined back up for the trip back home. It was Saturday so that means, Halloween Parties. Everyone in the group had already decided what they were going to be and I had not. I finally came up with Marcel Marceau, the famous mime. Drinking ensued and the night started out well. After too much drinking, intense fighting followed, which makes me realize how dramatic and sensative I become when I drink. So here's the big epiphany list from the weekend.

1. People judge you based on the house that you live in, how clean you keep it, what it smells like and how you act in your home when you have guests present. While this shouldn't define a person, it can definately shape someone preception of you. On the flip side of this, you, as a guest, shouldn't be too quick to judge, knowing that a persons place of living is intimate, personal and often times sacred. So live an let live, a dirty apartment is not worth burning your bridges over.

2. Our bodies are just a tool and we can use them to hurt or to make good. I keep forgetting that my outside should match my inside. Right now I am in the process of finding the inside that makes me happy. The inside that completes my being and balances my outside. What we have to remember is that we can't forget to take care of our outsides while searching for something more deep.

3. Prioritize things, but stay flexible. Life is a series of choices. We have to learn and grow as we go through life, so remember to keep in mind the lessons you should be learning. You have to pick a path to stay on for a while and see it through otherwise you might miss the big lesson at the end. I keep reminding myself to study for my tests, make time for all my friends, spend time emursed in my work, and my art.

So this was a longer post then i wanted it to be.

Peace and happy creating.

New to Blogging

Hey web-world,

I recently decided that blog would be a fun new endevour, so here I am. I'm not sure yet of the purpose for this random little space but hopefully we can learn and grow together. If anyone has any tips, like how to get my picture into my profile, or how to add video, let me know. I'll need all the help I can get for a little while but then we'll take this thing global.

So, keep tuned in and I'll keep you filled up, and we will all enjoy life, or at least the blog.

Questions, comments, or topic ideas, just let me know!

P.S. I am dyslexic so you should excuse the spelling errors. If you can't, we will have to talk about it later.

Peace